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Thoughts


#1

So for a bit of context I am a relatively active person in the chrono.gg forums I made this alt because I don’t want my main associated with this. I come to this form mainly to talk about games not my “Feelings” or whatever. With that being said I have had some problems in my personal life and I want to see if anyone has had the same experience/I just need to vent.

First of all, I do online school I do this for 3 Reasons 1. I hate traditional school, waking up early every morning having to deal with jerk teachers and all that jazz is not the type of thing for me 2. Without getting in to specifics with the program I’m in if I stay on this path I will have some good college opportunities in the future 3. With my parents job the way it is right now it is way easier to do online school. Overall I like doing school the way I do except for one thing, Friends at this point I really don’t have any. I Had some friends over the past few years that I have gotten really close with that I met back when I did go to school (they did go to a different school then me though) and they have been my main group of friends over the past 3 or so years but we are starting to grow farther and farther apart. One of my friends I still talk to a good bit but we have changed a lot personality wise and I don’t think that long term we will stay as good of friends as we are/have been. My other friend has slowly started to fade away to the point where now (and it has been this way for a good few months) it is radio silence from her for about a week at a time then we talk/play video games a bit and then another week of nothing. This has all culminated to a few weeks ago we went to this camp with the plan of hanging out all week (the 3 of us) and she diched me and my other friend for the ENTIRE WEEK like out of the around 150 hours we where there (it is around 6 days) me we only saw her no more then 3 hours over the course of the week. And over the course of 2019 because of this my mental health has degraded and I am almost always feeling down/depressed. I have lucked out a little bit because I met some people I kept In Touch with from another camp that I did and they live closer to me but its still driving distance from me and I don’t have a drivers license yet (I’m getting one next year) but till then they are still just some more online friends. I just realized that this is almost 500 words and I should probably wrap this up. I don’t really know the thesis of this but I feel like I needed to type what I have been feeling down and have some people look at it. If you need some more clarification on anything let me know and if you have any tips on how to get passed this also let me know.

ALSO: I am moving again soon (me move back and fourth to the same few places for a couple of reasons not important to this) and my parents said that they are going to try to get me more involved in stuff witch I am happy about and I’m hoping to find some friends there but if I don’t I honestly have no clue what I am going to do for the next half a year or so.


#2

That’s quite a block of words to read through, almost like stream of consciousness writing. Though fortunately you put in some pauses and stops.

Traditional school isn’t for everyone, that’s for sure, but doing school online (I am not sure how much interaction you have with other people, would certainly limit your social contacts. You would hardly make any friends from the online schooling aspect, that’s for sure.

When I was younger, I did a lot of moving too. That was before people had cell phones, internet, etc. So when I moved away from my childhood friends, we were essentially cut off from all forms of communication except for snail mail letters. Of course, landline phone conversations had to be limited due to cost of long-distance phone calls as well, so I barely stayed in touch with any of them.

Without a fairly consistent physical interactions, these friendships will fade, as did mine. It became more difficult as time went on to stay in touch and keep track of people.

Sounds like you are going to be going to college though, and unless you are planning to do all of college online, you will likely develop another close group of friends with whom you can share a lot of time and experiences, explore interests, etc. College being mostly immersive, is good for doing that. Plus most of the people you are going to be interacting with at that point are already adults (at least by age, not sure about mental maturity yet at that time) and so it will be fairly meaningful interactions at that point.

You are going to find people that you fit in with, personality wise, not necessarily interest wise. Then there are others who you get along with because they are in your same department, doing similar kinds of things for a similar interest. Those will be the ones that you probably will have professional contact with in the future, but not necessarily personal.

In terms of friends, it’s always difficult to make friends when doing online schooling or home schooling, just because you don’t see people. It’s difficult to think that a close friend would spend so little time over a few days that you had planned to spend together, as you mentioned above in your story. I wouldn’t even begin to guess how that came about. It’s always tough to see that someone you feel close to who doesn’t seem to care very much about your thoughts and feelings, especially if it’s someone who is one of your very few close friends.

As humans, we tend to be very social creatures, whether that means interactions in person, on the phone, in our minds, or whatever, but certainly feelings of loneliness can overwhelm any one person. You are still young and there’s a large world out there though, so I would implore you not to despair over a past event, but to look past it and into the future. Maybe some day you will be friends with people who you will have absolutely no interactions with for months or even years, and when you get together in person or talk on the phone again, it’s just like everything has settled back to the last time you had spent time together. I don’t have many friends like that, but I have a few, some from high school, some from college, that I think we all hold special places in our lives, within reserved compartments, for each other.

Moving a lot does make things more difficult, of course, and your idea of getting more involved with other things after you move is always a good idea. You can get to know your new community and the people there. You can learn about community events and happenings. I definitely recommend going to do things that hold your personal interests. If you enjoy reading, go seek out a book club at a local library. If you enjoy sports, attend some local leagues (watching or participating). Everything starts off slowly and it will take effort on your end. But once you meet some people who share some interests of yours, and you get to know each other, then you will be expanding each others’ horizons with your separate interests and hobbies.

I don’t know how much of yourself you are willing to throw out there, since you made an alternative account just to post some thoughts, etc. At least you know that we as an online community here, will still be here, no matter where you move to.

Good luck, and I hope to hear back from you in the future. :smiley:

(I wasn’t counting how many words this is, but I think it’s a bit longer than your original post…) My verbose nature always get the better of me.


#3

Excellent reply by YQMaoski.

I think people get stuck in the mindset that to get out of the house, you need friends, or a purpose. Try going out alone, go for a walk or bike ride and explore. Go and browse a store. Go spectate sports on the
weekends. Go to the cinema. Go to the park. If you live in a nice climate, go skating…
If you start these things but you don’t like it, you can always go back home. It is not weird to be out by yourself.
Don’t forget to smile! (:

If anyone reading this wants to vent privately, feel free to message me.


#4

Thanks for the responses and extra thank you to @YQMaoski for all the insight. I will try take all of this into consideration in the future and if i do I think it will help me a lot.


#5

I go to the beach with my dog and have more fun doing so than going out at night with people I’ve known for over a decade. Do what makes you feel comfortable.


#6

I think that this is about you wanting to make new friends and hold onto old friends. And you need to physically be with them.

If you’re looking for solutions, it’s hard to suggest. If the university has a physical location and you’re nearby it, you can join their clubs and activities even though you’re an online student.

If not, then you’re stuck with joining random communities/hobbyists in your town. Which isn’t bad, but you won’t find people your age. Note: When you meet these new people, don’t bring up your strained friendships or depression. That will make them pity you rather than befriend you.

Whatever you do, just please. Don’t be mad at your friend for ditching you. Of course I don’t know their situation. But people will always come and go in life. Wanting permanence doesn’t work, others will continue making new friends. It’s about convenience and effort (and rarely, nostalgia/familiarity). Making up a scenario, if a guy was supposed to visit me and spend a little time with me and doesn’t hate me, it’s probably the little things that make it difficult.
Why catch up with old friends when my new friends are already up to date?
Why spend time with someone I am losing contact with anyway?
Why travel so far when my new friends are close by?
It’s little things like that to help justifying moving on. They don’t hate you. People just imagine priorities.

Personally, I met so many people. Lots and lots. We were friendly, but few became friends. I didn’t really like meeting so many people whose names I will forget because, honestly after a while, friends started to remind me of other friends. You know when you’ve met too many people when every person you meet reminds you of someone else. I had my fill of socializing for a lifetime and now I just wander into random corners of the internet.

Be thoughtful when interacting with new people and friendships happen naturally. Don’t be afraid to ask to keep in touch with new friends. Even if it doesn’t work out, at least you didn’t miss out on a friend. As the folk hero of social interactions last wrote,
Happiness only real when shared.

PS. It didn’t really matter if you used an alt. I don’t think anyone has linked their real life identity to their chrono.gg accounts so it’s pretty safe. It might even help in how we give advice since we’ll have a basis for who you were. But right now we’re guessing at a new individual.


#7

Personally never really made any truly close friends at school myself but it never really suited me. I can get it is easier to meet friends in a structured environment like that, for me college was a better though. I guess if you can’t do school there is always shared group activities. I find that even if you don’t have friends at least sharing and doing stuff with other people is good. Or otherwise just being active and out and about is good for you. Being in different environments is always important and is harder to get with an online school. I would find it personally hard to deal with the discpline that an online school requires though chatting with others in that situation would help i think (but you say that isnt a problem for you and well done for pursuing this route). I think online friends generally can be a good thing even if u dont meet them and that.

Also I think people move on and change as said and sometimes its best to accept that. Though you can try to fix things and reach out. But if you get out and about you will meet new people maybe more suitable even. How long a friendship lasts isnt a measure of the quality. I met many people and have only talked a little but even so it was worth my time. People approach those who are more confident and open so try and be comfortable with yourself and u will find more opportunties. Good luck.


#8

I did actually write a wall of text but decided that i was just randomly babbling without much point.

What i want to say though is that what i’ve learned in my almost 30 years of life is that it’s better to focus on things you have rather than to feel bad or worry about things you dont.

At this point of life i think i have no friends as well. I have people i get along well with or we used to get along , those people didint vanish or anything it’s just i do not think i can call them my ‘friends’ , at least in a sense i understand this word… and it’s okay i guess :slight_smile: It’s more important to like yourself and feel good about yourself than to have ‘friends’ i think.

Focusing on other things does the trick . I feel best in company of animals or at nature these days.