I am an unmotivated blob who just carries on out of desperation. I never buy motivational books because I read Carnegie in chilidhood and that was enough. Not because it was ineffective; quite the opposite, actually.
It happened in the middle of the second grade in primary school. My family moved so had to change schools and study a lot to keep up with the rest of the class, as their program was advanced compared to others. I was so afraid to be seen as the stupid kid that actually became best in most subjects pretty soon.
Our teacher was grumpy; after tests she used to lecture other kids rudely about the fact that I am a transfer student, and I have better grades, so it is a shame to them. So, even while at the start kids were eager to talk or play with me, they soon got displeased and so ignoring \ bullying started. I talked to my mum about having practically no friends at school (other kids with perfect grades continued talking to me, but there were not so many of us bc i’m not even sure if kids really NEED perfect scores in primary school), and my mother gave me Karnegie. His language was surprisingly easy, and the ideas were easy to grasp as well, with lots of practical examples and repetitions of the same thing. I don’t know if it is that great on grown-ups but it TOTALLY WORKS on kids. Suddenly I became the leader of the class, everybody wanted to be my friend, nobody got angry when the teacher scolded the class for marks - instead my classmates showed understanding and sympathy for me. So the book was super effective.
For several years, “How to win friends” became my second identity. Overall it was a great time. But then, one day, I just woke up and realised that I am too tired and exhausted for any kind of communication. My “communication bar” has drastically depleted and I could only handle so many people at once; and became tired from spending time together \ casual talk faster, too. I’m 26 now and my social bar still hasn’t recovered; I still need plenty of time to rest if the communication works “too well”, and I try to avoid being part of any team \ collective, as I tend to get effective, establish connections and make new bonds very quickly and then something clicks and I suddenly can’t even say hi to them anymore. And it still doesn’t feel right.
Maybe there’s a psychology book that can change it, but I’m not ready to take the risks. Gotta be honest with you, motivational and self-improvement books scare the living ___ out of me.
