A memorial to Coraline

[K16]

Please do not hit the like button for my post. Nothing wrong with liking anyone else’s post here (and I encourage it), but just not this one post from me please.

After all this time, I still have no words to post here. I keep typing and deleting so this is going to take me a while as I continue to waste time not posting anything.

I don’t know how to express myself and I doubt I will ever be able to here.

I don’t have the words to emphasize how someone who makes each person she talks to happier can be taken from us.

How someone so young and studying in University would be forced to leave against her will.

I don’t know how to express how I feel, knowing a car crash is what separates her from her family and friends. The people who care about her can’t see her anymore. Because of a car crash. Because of a failed overtake. I don’t know how they feel. I could say devastated, but that word isn’t enough to describe it. I don’t have the words to describe any of this.

Someone with such a strong passion for gaming, but lacks the financial security to afford such a hobby. Someone who contributes to both the Chrono.gg and Steam Community as her way of enjoying video game culture. Someone who would write a full review when asked to do a brief first impression, because she’s passionate and loves gaming that much. Now she’s denied all of this.

I don’t know what to say. I can’t think of any words to express how I feel, can’t speculate on how those close to her feel. These words feel weak and there isn’t a language I can use to truly show what this is to all of us and the impact she left behind and what she can no longer have because it was taken from her.

I’m furious, and yet I’m not, because the word furious doesn’t reflect how I really feel. It isn’t enough.

So, I got nothing for you all. I have nothing to say. Because I can’t think of anything to say. I’m sorry.

Hey Carmela, I want to thank you for making me happier when we privately chatted. Thank you for that review when I only asked for a first impression. I’m very sorry to find out you’re leaving and haven’t fully realized that we’re parting ways. I want to try to express more about how I feel, but this isn’t about me. Just let me say goodbye all right? I appreciate that.

Farewell my fellow Awesome Person. I miss you.

Reply to @TheEthicalPixel below: I hope so.

Reply to @Buzzyboii below: Stay awesome.

[TheEthicalPixel]

“Now she’s denied all of this.”
We dont know this
She might have leveled up perhaps moving on to another phase
We must believe death isnt the end just a new beginning a fresh start a path beyond our understanding

i also believe if one has a strong enough bond you will re-unite with those loved ones in your next stop

Life is precious folks
Spend each day like it was your last

(i merged two comments into one because i dont want to make a mess on here i hope the other one gets removed)

[Buzzyboii]

(same deal with @K16’s post - please do not like this post)

Although I didn’t know Coraline that well, the impact of her thoughts, comments, and overall energy was spectacular. She contributed to this community in such a way that it shaped every conversation to be such a positive experience. She didn’t deserve to die this young - nor does anyone. From the minuscule experiences I’ve had with her, she always seemed like this bubbly, kind person.

May she rest in peace.

[xist]

There is nothing that I can say which would have deeper meaning than her own words.

There is a vague memory of my childhood hour upon an azure chapel. Therein all butterflies had gone to sleep, but my mind deprived of slumber floated as all the wild things do: to the best of places at the worst of times.

One of the beating certainties I have is that our Saints were back then crafted out of monochromatic wood, and that the honey they leaked from their nostrils was purple instead of grey.

There was back then a sense that all that which was holy was colorful, and we lived like gods sitting on brimstone wheels made of dreams, worshipping deities that we considered far less holy than the iridescent blood than populated our veins.

I do not know why we worshipped them, or why the beggars in the streets hid their lustrous pairs behind white tunics, all I knew is that in them too there was the virtue of the divine, but that it was deprived of the freedom of the Holy.

We were holy not by inheritance or birth, but by choice. The price to pay was simple and yet direct: fly no more with the aid of your wings and the skies of the Holy eye shall be yours.

With such promise, my mother bound my pair – of a color back then monochromatic and, she says, somewhat green – from the age of one, when the buds became splinters daring to form into a key to the skies.

The beggars on the streets, it dawned on me in such azure one afternoon, had not had their wings ceased from such a young age, and therefore were forced to hide their pride when it no longer did them any favors to showcase it, and were then broken into white garments in a hope for food.

The ones who soared were the deprived, the evil, the crass. The sound of their beating wings was deafening and maddening, when the time for coupling came and they filed the sky with so many colors that cloudless blue became ugly by contrast.

I never had my feet above the ground because my pair was too small to support my weight by the time I decided I could no longer walk looking down. My eyes were constantly turned skyward, even in my sleep, despite the priest’s demands that we all sleep belly down to prove our piety.

One day my mother asked me why I was so thin, and I merely replied she was mistaken and drank my daily honey bowl.

When I turned 20, I was the thinnest among my friends, and also the unhappiest. When I threw myself from the top of the azure chapel with a thumping heart I expected my wings to beat in tune, and it was only when I reached the ground that I recalled that muscles that are never exercised become atrophied.

The gravel that met my face and permanently scarred and blinded me of an eye did not hurt as much as the sound of my shattered ego, which in turn didn’t haunt me as much the realization that there was nothing else I could do.

One year after my daughter was born I stole her from her cocoon and gifted her to one of the flying vagrants. The vagrant’s wings were orange with a golden tune.

When it was discovered that my daughter had been willingly handed to the skies, I was deprived of honey and water for three days and three nights, and later forced to live on bread only.

When my daughter came back, her wings were pink with purple drops. She came, spat on me for abandoning her, and left. Her spit did not smell like honey, but her wings had the hum of freedom – a hum that still lulls me to sleep.

I sleep the best when it is spring.

…
Farewell Carmela

[Gnuffi]

i didn’t know what to say, wasn’t really sure if i’d post.
Thought about just plastering a thousand sad emoji’s, tho i think i’m just gonna do this

I’ll miss you Carmela
and thank you

[mert]

Damn… I’ve barely interacted with her, but this… still feels so surreal and wrong… someone who was so alive and involved with the community and with great aspirations just… gone now…

Rest In Peace, Carmela.

[HoangMarcel]

Rest in peace Coraline.

[Enki]

It was just like yesterday that we saw this incredible creature emerge, a blue butterfly had reached Chrono , from the start she was so joyful and kind, a genuine beautiful person that anyone could approach. I was always so happy when I posted something that she could relate to or have interest, I knew from the very moment she would make me smile or giggle in some way. We may have not talked enough like many of you had great conversations with her, I’m still a very shy person that has difficulty having serious discussions with others, but it was enough to create a bond between us. You know, we are compatriots, that alone was enough and she was always happy to bring us close together here in the community.

I will forever remember Cora from the songs we shared and the memes we laughed. There’s this song I shared with the community from a group I love, and outta nowhere she popped to say she loved it as well, I’m always so happy when I share stuff that can also make others happy and recently I’ve been listening to this album for so long thinking about what happened, it also helped me dealing with it. So let’s listen to it one more time my dear.

I will miss you deeply Cora, the community will never be the same without you but we will make our best to keep it up to the standards, even though you were the first one to think about burning it all down haha. And guys, don’t worry, because Cora was just called to attend another garden.

Thank you all for the love and kind words, it brought me to tears reading it all. I couldn’t post this earlier this week because some internet issues. I love you all.

[Silk]

We’ll miss you, Cora

[Shalandir]

It’s been a week+ and I still don’t know what to say. I wish you well in your journey beyond this caustic realm.

May we meet again,
~Shalandir

[uyrt]

Hi, I’m one of Carmela’s closest friends IRL. I don’t even really know what this site is, but I came across this thread when googling her and created an account just to reply to it.

I just really wanted to thank you all. Both for your words in this thread and for all the interactions you had with her over the years. Carmela was always going on about her online friends and it’s nice (though not unexpected, knowing her) to see that she managed to touch your lives in the same way you’ve touched hers. You guys were a big part of what allowed her to shine as brightly as she did. Please know it was appreciated.

I’ll make sure your love reaches her family. Thanks again for everything.

(by the way, there will be a mass honoring her on monday at 4:30pm Brasília time. If any of you would like to spare a thought or a prayer for her, that might be a good time to do so. Also, if there’s something you’d like me to tell her family, feel free to message me. I might not answer straight away, but I’ll see that it gets to them)

[K16]

Thank you uyrt. Thank you very much and do take care.

(And please do not like this post either.)

[delenn13]

Thank you @uyrt

Could you tell her Mom and family how much we loved and, now, miss her?

@delenn13

When Mr. Delenn was in the Hospital and almost died from that infection, Cora messaged me and wanted to know if it was OK to ask her Mother to pray for him. That was so sweet. I just wish, now, I knew how to let her Mom know we are both praying for her family in their time of sorrow.

Every time I pull up this forum I think of her family and how we lost one of our brightest stars in the universe.

[uyrt]

@delenn13 I will

[Danacscott]

@uyrt Tried to write on this thread many a time and the sadness is overwhelming. Coraline (as I knew her) had a few private chats with me - she was usually so cheerful and always happy to help with anything as far as she could.

Truly, I’m mourning not just for the person I knew, but for the person I won’t have the chance to get to know better. She wrote a beautiful story on the forum here, dedicated to one of her friends here. Such a talented writer and story teller. You can feel the love in her composition and her regard for the person she wrote it too. I can post a link here to it, if you’d like. Maybe it’s something you can share with the family as well.

Thanks for coming on the forum. Deeply sorry for your loss.

[smellyworm]

That’d be great if you can

[Danacscott]

Link goes to her post / story. Cheers.

https://206.81.1.216/t/ghostwriter-adventures-read-the-ps-too/17868/27?u=danacscott

[smellyworm]

Holy shit, wow! Thank you so much for posting the link there.

[Shalandir]

Can you let her family know she recommended the weirdest indie games and they were always interesting or heartfelt. Very unique person, I don’t know any curator of games that would have had the exact same tastes as her.

[SPEXWISE]

Yo, it came close…phew!