Hello, I am unfortunately very ashamed to be writing you guys today with a customer service issue. I see myself as more of the confident, unflappable, heroic type (in real life as well as when I’m gamin’ it up), but Jagged Alliance 2 Wildfire is…so much more than a game. I mean, don’t get us wrong, it IS a SUPER hard video game, but it’s also like when Indiana Jones spends five minutes beating up legions of “normal” bad guys and the huge buff dude with no shirt comes out and turns you into playdough.
Like are you ready to play the turn-based squad strategy game equivalent of splashing hydrochloric acid onto your face, wiping it off with sandpaper, and then eating the glass container you brought the acid with you in? Are you ready to shred yourself down that far, all the way down to your very core, like I have? Are you kind of hyped up by how big of a deal we’re making about this? You are? Well then I just got one question:
WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU, BLOCK HEAD?
Listen, I realize it’s a dollar fifty today, and that you can’t even usually buy a nice burger for that anymore, much less a totally excellent mafia and hired killer simulator, but today it just so happens to be the case, and so I warn you: in addition to it being the title of the game, it’s ALSO time for you to form your own little Jagged Alliance with yourself, between the forces obsession and chill as hell, where you too can constantly surf the line of moral ambiguity as you slowly but surely get the job done. Honestly, it’s kind of American as hell, isn’t it?
Anyway, make your game easier for me please.